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This morning I was asked how to start detoxing the mind and spirit, in reference to today’s quote. After sharing my thoughts, tips and opinions, I was then told “I have a hard time letting things go.” This made me think. Why do we hold on to situations/people/”things” that may have affected us negatively? Why is it that we allow for these instances to rip us apart inside?

An extremely minimized answer to this is “fear“. When it comes to relationships, we are often afraid to let people go, even after they’ve hurt us continuously. We may fear being alone or starting over, or even rejection. We are scared to lose that person who was once our world.

When it comes to “things” or situations, we may hold grudges or stop talking to people out of hurt and anger. We don’t want to let the issue go because what if it happens again? You can’t let your guard down now, you have to be prepared for the worst, right? We are afraid to share our true thoughts and feelings. We don’t want to be labeled as weak or emotional.

Really, this is a very toxic way of thinking. Yes “letting go” is easier said than done, but you have to at least make an effort. When you let things go, you are choosing happiness, forgiveness, to live in the present, to welcome the future. You can’t let go without addressing you emotions, which in fact, doesn’t make you weak at all. It builds strength and character. It helps you understand yourself; your needs and wants.

Holding on to people, grudges or situations that belong in the past stunt your personal growth. How will you move forward if you’re constantly reminding yourself of situations that negatively affected you ages ago, or even yesterday? Yesterday’s issues have nothing to do with today or tomorrow’s outcome, and therefore your future should not be burdened with the problems of your past.

When beginning to practice the act of “letting go“, ask yourself, “What/who makes me happy and what/who doesn’t?” Make a list, with two columns. This list will consist of people or situations that are currently affecting you/impacting your life. Put the negative on one side and the positive on the other.  When going through your “negative” side, think about the ways in which you can begin to eliminate these problems. Have conversations with people. Begin to remove people from your life. Apologize. Forgive.

Forgiveness is probably the main ingredient to “letting go“. Often times, people won’t even ask for forgiveness because they don’t understand how their actions or words have affected you; or they just don’t care. Understand that this forgiveness is not for them, its for you. It releases the anger and hurt that may have grown from the situation. It allows for you to move on, and of course, “let go“.

Forgive yourself as well, for being your biggest critic, for those negative thoughts, for allowing those inner demons to control you. It is impossible to let go without forgiveness. Sometimes we’ll dismiss a situation, convincing ourselves that we’re just “letting it go”, when in reality, we’re just forcing ourselves to try and forget about it or act like it never happened. That’s not the right way to do it.

You have to confront these issues. Talk to the person who hurt you. Communicate your feelings. Explain how they made you feel. Talk to yourself. Ask why you feel the way you do. Ask why this specific “thing” is still lingering in the back of your mind. Handle that unfinished business.

Letting go may be hard for many people, but its not as hard as we make it seem. Once you start to choose peace and happiness, it’l happen automatically. Before you can do anything, you have to really want it.

Letting go contributes to freedom. Do you want to be free?

 

One thought on “for those who can’t “let go”.

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