I haven’t posted on here in like a month because honestly, I haven’t had the drive or motivation. I’ve been having a tough time in a certain area of my life, causing me to deal with a lot of adversity, which I’m not used to, at all. You see, I never really realized it until now, but for the most part, almost everything in my life came pretty easy to me. Struggling to get what I want is new for me, and its draining. For this past month, I’ve tried to stay positive and keep going, and I am proud of myself for this, but I’ve realized that I haven’t been balancing the different aspects of my life very well.
I started this blog as an outlet for me but also to help others. Originally, I was thinking that, because I’m genuinely happy with myself and my life, I could help others feel the same. When I started dealing with this adversity, I felt myself losing that happiness so I figured, if I’m not happy, how can I help others be happy? I’m realizing that this was wrongful thinking. You’re not going to be happy all the time. It’s impossible. The real test of your happiness and peace within yourself comes when you encounter forces or situations that bring you down. How will you protect your peace while dealing with adversity?
I’ve learned so much about myself over this past month and I really wish that I hadn’t neglected my duty to spread peace and happiness, but you know, I think it was for the best. I’ve always been that person to push people to talk about their problems and to lend a helping hand..to just listen…meanwhile, internally, I’m keeping my feelings and emotions bottled up…I’m not addressing my problems… I’m not talking to people…I’ve always had this need to stay strong and fight vulnerability. For a long time, I felt that being emotional or admitting that I was struggling or hurting would make me seem weak and I really pride myself in being a strong, independent woman.
I thought that I had overcome this problem of mine, but throughout this month, I learned otherwise. I chose to shut myself out once again and tried to figure everything out on my own. I chose to struggle in silence. I chose to do the exact opposite of what I usually tell other people to do and that’s where I went wrong. Recently, I changed my ways. I started talking to my friends and family, and asking for help. I started learning that I’m not in this alone and I’m not the only one having a tough time right now. I learned that, when people truly care about you, they will make it their business to lift you up when you’re down.
This is how I protected my peace during this tough time. I told myself, its okay to be vulnerable, to ask for help, to cry… It’s all apart of this journey called life and I’m learning to embrace every aspect; the ups and downs. You have to understand that, each and every situation in your life, whether it be negative or positive, can teach you something and help you grow, you just have to be willing to learn. You choose the path you want to take.
This adversity that I’ve been dealing with could have defeated me. It could have stripped me of my happiness completely, sending me into a deep plunge of depression. I felt it happening, but I fought back. I put my peace and happiness FIRST. So, instead of allowing this unfortunate situation to have a negative impact on my life, I started looking on the bright side. I started letting it teach and mold me into a stronger being. I’m still dealing with this problem and struggling to overcome this adversity, but I can honestly say that I am thankful for this experience. Its making me stronger, building my resilience and courage, while allowing me to continue to protect my peace and happiness.